Alan's 34th Birthday!

Yesterday was Alan's birthday.  I can't begin to tell you how stressed out Birthdays around Christmas stress me out.  I already got him his Christmas present, what do you get a man who knows exactly what he likes....not only is it stressful, cause I have my brain on full thinking mode "what if..." "does he..." "is this right?!", but I am snuggled in with all those lovely Christmas Shoppers too! I know, lucky me.  Anyway, I got him a good, useful, fun, creative gift that I think he appreciated.  Winter Ales! And a vintage tin beer carrier, with Scrabble coasters. Good, Good. 

I started the day with champagne brunch.  Originally, I told him we should drink through the entire day, into his Birthday dinner, but after a glass of bubbles, I pretty much am done for.  So, banana pancakes it was, with eggs, and mimosas, and then, for our first outing with Ruby to the Dog Park in Napa.  I was worried a little bit....I really didn't know how she'd take to the big dogs...but she loved every minute. We walked her through the "off the leash" section of the park, and she'd run and run, and leap, and greet people, coming to her new name Ruby, not "pebbles" cause that sounded to much like a stripper name. 

It's been such perfect weather in Northern California, we have been lucky.  I loved being out with Alan and Ruby, it was a perfect afternoon.

We met with some of our friends at a place new(ish) in the valley, called Alex's for Alan's birthday, for Janiene and Chad's last outing before Baby U. and to just have some good laughs with Ashley and Leslie.  We were there till closing, hearing about trips taken, our newest member of the family, baby planning and school, its always so nice to reconnect, and remember what it feels like to be part of a great circle of friends. 

Alan got some great gifts, one is a mixology class in San Francisco, he got a wine club membership and wine....but I think what he mostly enjoyed about this night was visiting, and seeing his old friends.  I love him so much.  We met up with some other friends in Napa, for a quick, "Hello, how do you do?" and a drink and ended the night at home, I always want to be home now, with Ruby with our things, surrounded by our life, but I will admit it's always a nice time out with friends. 

Happy Birthday Alan.

Live Simply

Tomorrow marks the 4 month countdown to my 30th birthday.  I can't believe it.  And yet, at the same time, I can.  I've decided to start writing again.  This time with a real purpose.  This time so that, I can reflect on each day, and how it changed me, for the good, or the bad. 

I have a goal in mind, a goal to keep track, for the next 4 months at least...but hopefully a year of things I am grateful for day in and day out. Things that are sometimes overlooked. 

What makes me happy.  Generally.  You know what makes me happy?  A hike. A good, long sweaty, mind focusing hike.  My dog Ruby.  A good cup of coffee, that I made.  Pancakes at home.  A phone call with a close friend, or family member.  A long, hilarious text message conversation with my little brother.  My Nephew.  The Summer breeze in Napa.  My car washed.  My bed made.  Oh, the list can go on and on, and it will.  But first I'll start with these. 

For the last year, I've noticed little by little a chip on my shoulder.  But nothing anyBODY, or anyONE person has created.  It's my own.  I list all these things that make me happy, so then, why do I find myself in a constant state of want?! I WANT more clothes...I WANT a fancier car. I WANT  diamond earrings..I WANT...I WANT....ugh.  This is so not me.  Or at least it didn't used to be.  I didn't used to equate happiness with things.  Before my 20's I was a waitress, and made my life on tips mostly.  I never cared about fancy clothes, or fancy purses.  In fact, I'm not a purse girl at all...I never cared if my nails were freshly manicured.  I really only liked having my hair done, and a nice fitting bra.  My closet was the size of my coat closet now, and even then it wasn't full. And I was content.  And I was pleased. 

I can't put my finger on it.  Maybe that's what drives me so bananas.  Why?  Why do I compare myself so often?  Why don't I count my blessings.  I constantly find myself reading fashion blogs and thinking gosh...I wish I could buy that...so, then I do...and what do I find myself with?  An expensive pair of shoes, and remorse for being so ungrateful for the things I have.  I'm not saying it's not nice to have nice things.  It is...and by all means, I think it's important on occasion to spoil yourself.  But why am I doing it?  Sometimes I think I attribute my splurges on the fact that, I have for the better part of 6 years entirely supported myself, and a household in the last year where the other person was going to school.  I am still able to after the bills are paid, buy something...show it off.  I think part of me realizes that 9 years ago, while I may have been happy, had I had the chances to buy the things I can now, I probably would have.  I don't know.  And that is what I am setting out to do....figure out what it is that truly, deeply, makes me happy, what it is I am grateful for now, and what I have been overlooking for so long.  Cause honestly, overall, happiness is what I want.  It's all I want.  When I reflect on my days, and realize the things I have, instead of the things I don't.  I am happier.  I hope I find truly what I am looking for. 

Best of 2011

While I may have stopped blogging in June, I didn't stop having a life....I wanted to post my top 10 moments of last year.  2011 was a great year to me, for my friends, my family and all of my relationships.  So, without further ado my top 10 of 2011!

#10. Road trip to Southern California
In June, we were still having less than desirable weather.  I wanted to bust out of this weather, and enjoy a warm time off.  So, Alan and I road tripped, visited some friends, went to the beach, locked our keys in the car, and stayed in some awesome places! 

#9. Railroad Revival Tour with Mumford & Sons
It'd been a while since I'd been to a concert, so what's better than seeing an amazing band, at an amazing place.  A port in Oakland with incredible views of San Francisco! Besides the hipsters that hate to share, the show was great! One of the best shows I've ever been to in fact.

#8. Finding out my Brother is having a Son.  Honestly, I thought my brother would never have kids.  But, last year, he found himself a great job for Chico State, and is engaged to a perfect girl.  So, last September, he announced (quietly) that he and her were pregnant, and then 1 week before Christmas announced he's having a boy.  I'm so excited...beyond excited...I can't wait to see my brother be a father.  I already love my nephew so much.

#7.Visiting home so much! I made it a goal to go home at least 6 times last year.  Since I moved to Napa, I really wanted to focus on living here, making friends here, and not rely on my comfort blanket of home.  I think I did a really good job at that, but it's true what they say, Home is Where the Heart is...and while I love it in Napa, as I've said before, Chico and Paradise will always be my first home.  Being Homesick can literally paralyze you, and I hated feeling that way.  There is good in being balanced.  So, I got to go home a lot this year.  Sometimes they were long visits sometimes they were just two days, and once it was just a few hours.  It helped me appreciate Napa, and Chico, and all the relationships I have between the two. 

#6 Reuniting with my mom.  If you have known me long enough, you'd know me and my Mom have never had the best of relationships. Stemming back from when my parents divorced, we've always had a rough go of it.  I love my Mom, but some things in our relationship make me shy away from forming a close relationship with her.  Last year (2010), her and I stopped talking.  It was partially my choice, and there were days I regretted it, but it's what I needed to do for my own sanity.  Anyway, back in February, her and I met at Nash's in Chico, with my brother and with his fiance.  And it was so nice to visit, walk through Downtown, and catch up. 

#5 Moving.  Most people would say they hate moving, normally I would too.  But not this time.  This time, it was out of a crazy household and into OUR apartment.  Waking up with Alan here, entertaining, cooking together, just being together...it's everything I could have asked for.

#4 Skydiving.  I don't even think I need to write a description.  Hello, it's SkyDiving! Awesome. It was for my brothers 27th birthday, and I'm so glad we did it.  Sometimes, I catch myself thinking to myself...what was I thinking, and then there are some times I think to myself..."you're a bad ass".  One thing on my bucket list I can cross off.....but that doesn't mean I never want to do it again!

#3 My Birthday. 29...I sure don't feel like a 29 year old, or at least I don't feel like what I thought a 29 year old would feel like when I was young.  I always thought by now I'd be married...happily. With 3 kids, all with names starting with E's.  But as we all know, our life planning can only be carried out so much.  That doesn't mean I don't love the life I am living.  I have amazing friends, gosh, I have a great job. I may not have kids, but I can't imagine my life any other way right now.  My 29th birthday was spent with friends in Chico, and my brother.  Dancing, and appreciating what I have instead of what I don't have.  29 is good.

#2. Thanksgiving.  Some people just look at it as another day.  Maybe another day to stuff your face and call it justifiable.  But, to me it really was a day to give Thanks.  I haven't had a Thanksgiving in 3 years! I have had to work every time. But not this year.  And, I got to spend it with Alan and his family.  I'm so lucky to be a part of his family. His mother is a great cook, and knows how to entertain.  I couldn't have asked for a better day.  Dance party in the kitchen, helping in the kitchen, and eating a beautiful feast. 

helping in the Kitchen!

#1. The decision to adopt Ruby!  There are a lot of memorable moments from 2011, most of the ones I listed were spent with someone else, which means even more.  This is no exception.  When I decided I wanted a dog, it was a choice that I had to consider with someone else. Alan was really on board with this idea, and I knew once he bonded with her, he'd be in love with her.  Life is so much better when you are sharing it with someone else, and when you make great decisions with that person too.  I love Ruby so much, and the fact that we got her together makes her even more special.

The Last Horrah of 2011

Wide Open Spaces

Alan & I left for Vegas! We made a last minute decision to drive out to visit his brother, SIL and their new daughter.  Plus, I've only been out there once for her baby shower, and thought it would be fun! So, instead of paying an arm and a leg for plane tickets, we decided to drive.  I got off of work and we hopped in the car and head South.  Of course, driving down I-5 at night is so rivetting I could barely keep my eyes open.  We took turns driving 2 1/2 hours on, 2 1/2 hours off.  Good, Good.  It worked perfectly.  I drove us into Vegas, it's always so huge on screen, but honestly if you blink you kind of, miss the entire strip driving by.  I couldn't wait to crawl into bed! But, I couldn't wait to get out of bed 3 hours later to meet Alan's Niece. She's one of the cutest babies I've ever laid eyes on, and watching her and her parents is seriously priceless!

6 week old HK

after bath, cuddly and sweet

I could go on and on of our visiting time, but I won't, pictures can speak volumes....I really wanted to have a night out on the strip, never have done that before, so we did that. It was so fun, the energy before New Years was so incredibly amazing.  People were just so full of excitement, a New Year approaching, on Vacation...warm, beautiful weather...even at night...it was great.

The Sugar Factory

So, after a Mani-Pedi afternoon, that the SIL needed and was so thankful for we headed out to the strip, and got all dressed up.  We had dinner at Yellow-tail Sushi, and went dancing, we re-visited the Sugar Factory.  I think I am in Love with Vegas.  Or maybe it's Lust...whatever it is, I get super excited when I see it all lit up. Late (Vegas nights) usually aren't my thing, but I didn't mind this time.

What I wore and it was warm too

The Bellagio

Dance like no one is watching! Billie Jean

face shot

While Las Vegas at night is fun, during the day is/was just as great! This time it was just me and him and we walked the strip, walked in the Forum Shops, took pictures, watched the fountains at the Bellagio, and ate lunch at Margaritaville.  I have the best time with Alan, and with his family. 

Like all vacations they have to come to an end, but it was hard this time.  Seeing Alan with his brother, and his super cute Niece, it was such a pleasant time.  But, it was time to head back, it was NYE after all.  Off we went, into the desert it felt like forever till we got home, but the desert, the wide open spaces, the Red Rocks...so beautiful. We got home at 11:30, just in time for a quick shower, a toast of champagne and a kiss at midnight...then, we passed out.  2012 here we come!!

I'll leave you with pictures, I can't wait to go back this Summer.

best costumes. and nice people too!

we laughed and laughed about this place! so weird...there's a video too!

right out of Vegas...off we go

driving through Nye on NYE!

Winter Bronze

Back in August I started seeing an esthetician for my face.  She gives medical grade facials which include a glycolic peel which stings for about 10 minutes.  It's supposed to basically resurface my face, and leave me with new, baby soft skin and new skin cells that I can go out into the world with for 6 weeks and damage all over again.  I like going.  It's my Happy Hour.  I like to make her laugh with inappropriate jokes and absurd things.  Gossip.  It's perfect.

Back in October, right after my birthday though, she put her glasses on, got real close and was like "Kerry, are you tanning your face?".....I meekly answered no...but she obviously knew I was fibbing.  It's like when you go to the dentist and they ask if you floss every day and you say pretty much...but really what you mean is I've been flossing every day since 5 days ago, knowing you were going ask me that! So anyway, I guess my face started becoming discolored....so she asked me (read:demanded) I stop.  So, I did.  And each week tanning became less of a concern for me....but then, I noticed I was wearing twice as much makeup to makeup for my less than summer glow.  When I went back to see her right before Christmas she was very please, and said my face isn't splotchy or discolored anymore, but I told her my concern...more makeup! Alan likes me makeup less, but lets be honest, going out at night without makeup on, unless you are a Victoria Secret model can make you look A. Lazy and frumpy or B. like you've given up.  Although you could put a C in there and just be super confident that you look amazing with 0 makeup on. All those things I am/have not.  So, with hesitation, but also with determination to not want to tan in a tanning bed ever again...I went out and bought some Jergens Healthy Complexion self tanner! I friggin love it.  It makes my skin soft, it makes me look like I have a glow, and the best part, is I don't have to wear as much makeup anymore!


I also, totally bought it cause in 2 days I'm going to Vegas.......YAY!

Christmas

It's Christmas Day.  And I just finished an 11 hour work shift.  Please, everyone contain your jealousy.  I always know in January which Holidays I can plan to not look forward to.  This year, my holiday was Christmas, next year, it'll be New Years Day...and so it goes.  My family knows to, and I appreciate my job for this, because I don't have to even think about it much past January 5th.  However, back around the middle of November, my dad asked me if there is anything I would like for Christmas.  I gave it a good stir around the old noggin and came up with nothing.  Nothing I absolutely needed.  Plus, my brother is having a baby, I thought just use the money you'd spend on me, and put it towards a gift for them.  Honestly, what I really wanted, was to be able to go home for Christmas. <sigh>  When my step-mom asked me again on Thanksgiving, I caved...."I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle"...no I didn't really ask for that, but I did ask for about a handful of things, things that I can live without, but would still appreciate nontheless.

Headed to Chico...specks on Peck

me and my Baby Brother, doesn't he look just like our Dad

me and my Dad

funny faces

sweet TyTy

fun in the sun...

Alan getting his awesome Wine Packin' Kit

 I found out Sandy was coming to California 4 days before Christmas, and really, that's when I really hated that I had to work on Christmas.  So, Alan, being the sport he is, suggested a quick 24 hour trip to Chico, to visit my BFF and to see my father, my brother and his fiance's growing baby bump.  Going up I-5 has got to be the most boring way to travel to Chico.  But I suppose it's the fastest.  When we got to Chico, Ruby in tow, we met Sandy and her brood for lunch at La Comida, cause as pretty much the cheapest Mexican Food place in town it's my most favorite.  After that I suggested we visit Capre Acres, and watch the kids run around, push their way to the slide, and cry if they didn't get high enough on the swing.  Fine, that was me, but whatever.  It really was though.  I slid down slides, crawled through crawl spaces, played on the teeter totter.  I think there are only signs in the park that say kids up to 12 only, so that parents can point at the sign and have a reason not to play with their children.  It's sad, really.  Mothers get so mad at their kids....way to go champ, you just won worst mother of the year award.  The weather was cold and I was cold, and it was getting dark and I was getting angry watching all the adults ignore their kids.



We said our goodbyes.  Time is never our friends when we want to visit longer.  I miss her, I miss her kids.  But, I'm so glad I got to see them.

Me and Sandra D. Still friends after 18 1/2 years

My Dad and Jan's vintage decorated Christmas tree.

Going over to my Dad's is always a bag full of treats.  I always am so excited to see him, hear him tell jokes, and make an amazing meal.  I can't say enough good things about my dad, he really is my anchor when I feel like I'm about to go crazy, and I love him so much.  Just getting to spend time with him really, was all I needed for Christmas. I never realize how much I miss my family, until we say our goodbyes.  I got presents, gave presents, and ate an amazing crab dinner.  And after they tucked themselves in for the night, seeing my brother was next.  I'm so excited to see my brother be a father to a son.  But more on that later.  He couldn't stay out for long, because of work the next morning, but going to our favorite bars in Chico, and visiting and seeing ultrasounds was really all I needed.  I was so glad to be able to visit home, even though it was a short visit.

My Dad looking at 2012 Calendar I made

So, while I may have had to work today, I got everything I wanted and more for Christmas, and couldn't be happier.

Merry Christmas, friends.  Goodnight.

Ruby

Our tiny little fury family has grown from 3, to 4.  I've expressed to friends and to Alan that I really would love to have a small dog.  I hike so much, I run the block on warmer nights, my routine is pretty down to a science, and I am ready to be a dog owner again.  I had 2 great dogs in my marriage years ago.  We had found a full bred Queensland Heeler walking lonely and cold, who was actually pregnant with 8 (full bred puppies).  When posters, newspaper ads, and even a trip to the pound all were answered in silence, two weeks later, she delivered 8 healthy babies, and 8 weeks after that, we sent them off to good homes, but kept 1, Mikey. 

I loved those dogs, but in our long, drawn out, hasty decision "who's keeping what" moments, he claimed the dogs, and Jagger the cat.  I was living back at home for 3 months, so it was ideal, till I moved to Napa, and then he suggested I take Mikey....I pondered the thought, but wrote it off.  There are days I regret that decision...he was after all, my dog, I named him Mikey after the baby from 'Look Who's Talking' ( I was 17)  I found out over Thanksgiving weekend that Girl (the mama dog) had been put down, she was 14 after all, and Jagger our gypsy cat, had been hit by a car.  I'd like to not blame him for that...but I do.  Poor Jagger...I miss Mikey.

I started remembering how much I love the companionship of a dog.  How much they love you even at your worst, how excited they get to see you come home.  How they learn hand gestures and words, and know when you are sad, and comfort you.  I still love Scout so much, but sometimes he is in his own world--he is a cat, afterall.  I started researching rescues.  Some of them are crazy about adopting...it would almost seem you are adopting a child from another country.  They can drop in on you, make house visits...they want to know where the dog will be when I'm at work...I guess I understand a little, but it's an animal, and rescues are expensive...in my logical mind I'm thinking...I'm going to be good to this animal, but I guess there are some losers out there that aren't.  At any rate, one night I was just so sure I was ready for a dog...I stayed up late reading, and reading....and the next day Alan and I went to the local shelter in Napa.  I mostly wanted to review their procedure...but there she was, prancing around like a miniature horse.  "Pebbles"....they suggested I walk her, so we did...

I was ready to take her home that instant, but we have to be approved, and we have to get the go ahead by the Property Manager. So, we left. I hated leaving her there, and now that I know her, it makes me even more sad....the consensus after texting my circle of friends was she was perfect, but the not good decision maker in me really battled with myself for the next 24 hours.  Having a dog is what I wanted, but what if it all of a sudden became a decision I kicked myself for later?!?  Alan really had the last say, and he really thought she was great, so we just had to wait...wait for the shelter to give the okay.  And they did! I paid the fee, filled out her information, and off the 3 of us went.  She took to us right away, we had friends over that night for ELF and pizza, and she just is so social.  We got so lucky.  She's trained well, doesn't bark, loves Alan, wants to play with Scout--she's amazing.  And, I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories about her along the way.

Everyone, meet Ruby!